In my younger days, I used to play squash. I had a membership to a racquet club and played at least four or five times a week. But there was one player who managed to beat me every time I played him. For those who are unfamiliar with the sport – it’s a ball and racquet game played between two people in an enclosed court. A match consists of winning 3 games out of 5. This player always beat me 3 games to zero every time. I was never able to take even one game.
It was frustrating because there was no reason for me not to win – or at least win some of the games. He wasn’t an exceptional player. He had no special gift or technique. I used to watch him play other people just to study his game. I thought of ways to take my game to the next level. Nothing worked! So why could I not get at least one game from this player?
One evening, I met up with a friend over a burger and a beer. It so happens that this friend was the one who had originally introduced me to the game of squash. During the course of the evening, I mentioned this particular player. My friend listened intently to my frustrations and then said something that changed my whole outlook on life.
He told me to stop trying to win!
Duh! WHAT!?
He went on to say that trying to win was obviously not working! He suggested that instead of trying to win, I should concentrate on not losing!
Now, I gave this a lot of thought and realised, ironically, ‘winning’ and ‘not losing’ yielded the same result. So armed with this newfound insight, I changed my strategy. In the past, whenever it was my turn to play the ball, I invariably tried for a winning shot. It soon became apparent that this was a complete and utter waste of time and effort. Instead, I started to play, not to win the round per se, but to make it as difficult as possible for my opponent to play a winning shot. Better still – if I placed the ball such that he could not hit the ball to the front wall, I had won the round regardless and with very little effort.
A few weeks later, I signed up for a club tournament. I breezed through the first two rounds of the tournament, and as luck would have it, I was drawn against this particular player in the third round. This was the player from whom I had never won a game, never mind a match.
It was a tough match, and he did win the match. However, the score was 3-2. Yes! For the very first time, I had won not only one game from him but two games. Deservingly, he went on to win the tournament, but nonetheless, I managed to win two games from him – all because I played to not lose.
This lesson went on to serve me well in life. We often burn too much time and energy trying to win when all it takes is to make sure we do not lose!
© Copyright 2023 – MAC
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